180. Dislocated Shoulder

aka “My Brother’s Skateboarding Injury”, or “Breaking Up is Hard to Do”, or “A Cup of Morphine with James Thompson”.

Two days ago my brother fell off his skateboard and dislocated his shoulder. In this episode he tells us all about what happened. We also chat about how he still loves skateboarding after 30 years and lots of injuries.

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The episode is an authentic Skype call between my brother me. It is full of vocabulary for describing accidents, injuries, hospitals and medical treatments. You can find a lot of that vocabulary listed below, and I will explain it for you in the next episode of the podcast. We also talk about skateboarding, and so you’ll hear quite a lot of vocabulary on that subject too.

Vocabulary
Let me help you understand and learn the vocabulary! I have listened to the conversation again and I’ve typed out bits of vocabulary from the first 15 minutes. That’s when he explains how he had his accident, and how he received treatment for it. You can find that vocabulary in a list of sentences below. What I’m going to do now is to record another episode in which I clarify and explain the vocabulary from the interview. I’ll publish that as soon as I’ve finished it. So, in order to get definitions of these phrases, just listen to the next episode.

Transcript
The transcript writing collaboration is going really well, with more episodes being transcribed by listeners all the time. If you fancy transcribing some of this episode, you can. Just click here to access the Google document.

Vocabulary List
Listen to the next episode of the podcast to hear me explain all these things in more detail.
First of all – sorry for my brother’s fiddling and fidgeting!
I’m not too bad thanks, considering…
The day before yesterday I came a cropper on my skateboard and dislocated my shoulder
The arm popped out of its socket
I feel a bit, sort of, run down, I suppose would be the word. A bit tired and achy.
Just the twatty landlord using the garden as some sort of rubbish tip as usual.
I was skating a block-sort of-bar thing. “Skating the block“, not “skating on the block“. (The difference is quite important if you’re a skater)
I was doing a board slide on it but it kept sticking.
I leant back a little bit more.
As I was coming off the block I landed fine but slightly on the tail of the board. (Nose, tail, wheels, trucks, grip tape, bearings – skateboard parts).
Slightly off-balance.
I put my hand down to stop myself falling but I carried on sliding out. My feet slid underneath me and I overextended my arm behind my head, and kind of slammed down on my body. My weight came down on my arm.
I immediately jumped up and it felt really really weird.
I felt a shelf where the shoulder-blade (he means collar bone I think) stopped and then there was a 2 inch gap and then the arm. (ouch!)
I knew at that point that I’d dislocated my shoulder. (Past perfect tense)
To start with there wasn’t any pain, the pain came a few minutes in.
I don’t normally get an ambulance for a self-inflicted injury. (what a tough and modest guy he is!)
I normally get a bus or a taxi to A&E but this time I thought it warranted it because I couldn’t move at all.
[It was] extreme muscular pain, like when you tear ligaments or sprain an ankle.
They were going “ooh” which makes you feel uncomfortable if someone’s wincing, you know.
They tried to get a needle into me for a drip. They couldn’t get a vein to bleed properly. (they couldn’t find a vein)
They put some intravenous paracetamol into me, which didn’t really do anything.
It’s an over-the-counter pain-relief pill.
Why are there no aspirins in the jungle? Because the parrots eat them all (the ‘paracetamol’ – yes, it’s a terrible joke)
I gritted my teeth and tried to ignore what was going on.
They drove me with the ‘woo-woos’ on.
(I tell James to stop fiddling… and he says…) I can’t remember where we were now.
They wheeled me into the hospital. (I attempt to highlight the irony of getting injured on a wheeled vehicle and then being taken into a hospital on another wheeled vehicle – it’s an unsuccessful joke, but never mind)
An Indian-looking doctor looked at me.
You can relax a bit when the doctor seems quite in-control.
He told me exactly what was going to happen. I’d need an x-ray to check that nothing was broken, then if nothing was broken then they’d give me some more drugs and then put it back in, and then they’d give me another x-ray to check that nothing had broken while they were putting it back in, which kind of made me think it might be quite a painful process having it set back.
They gave me some morphine, and it didn’t seem to do anything and I was, like, grimacing a bit, so they gave me some more.
They gave you morphine and they gave you nitrous oxide?
You’re breaking up a little bit.
Do you find that breaking up is very hard to do? (This was probably quite confusing, but it’s my brother’s attempt at a sardonic joke – referring to a famous song which uses the same phrase, but with a different meaning)
“You’re breaking up” (your phone/skype signal is not clear)
“Breaking up is hard to do” (Separating, splitting up with your boyfriend or girlfriend – there are two songs that use this phrase, “Make it easy on yourself” by The Walker Brothers & written by Burt Bacharach, and “Breaking Up is Hard to Do” by Neil Sedaka. You can listen to those original songs below. Sorry about my singing.
(James receives a phone call from his girlfriend because she wants to check that he’s okay. How sweet.)
She was a bit worried about me because I was a bit sort of groggy yesterday.
I feel a bit sort of run down, a bit beaten up, but fine.
Good thing you didn’t hit your head.
I didn’t shatter my collar bone or something like that, that would have been horrible.
It could have been something worse.
You don’t need a cast. Nothing’s broken.

That’s as much as I’m able to do at this moment. You’ll just have to listen to the rest of the conversation unaided and try to work out exactly what we’re saying. It’ll be good for your English!

The Selfie of Jim in Hospital

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Songs and Videos
Here are some videos and songs that James and I mention during this episode.

*Real skating at Stockwell skate park in Brixton, South London. This is where my brother goes skating, and in fact this video was filmed and edited by James himself!

“Make it easy on yourself” by The Walker Brothers

“Breaking Up is Hard to Do” by Neil Sedaka

The French Connection (1971) with Gene Hackman – The amazing car chase scene (A big inspiration for the computer game “Driver” by the way…)

“Speedfreaks” 1989 Skate Movie (Santa Cruz Skateboards)

176. Grammar: Verb Tense Review

This episode is all about grammar, specifically verb tenses such as: present simple, present continuous, present perfect simple, present perfect continuous, past perfect, past perfect continuous and different future forms. Part of this episode is transcribed, and part of it is spontaneous.

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I’m going to go through lots of verb tenses in English. I’ll demonstrate them first, and then go through them with you, explaining their form, use and pronunciation.

It’s been a while since I did an episode on grammar, and so I thought I’d give you a really thorough look at different verb tenses. It’s a bit ambitious to try and cover lots of tenses in one episode, but I’ll try and keep it brief and practical.

This could be a really useful episode, which you could listen to again and again, in order to get the full value.

I don’t normally do many episodes on grammar, because let’s be honest, it’s pretty boring. Unless you’re a grammar geek, it can be pretty mind numbing stuff. In one ear and out the other. The trouble is, that in explaining the basics of grammar you end up using all kinds of complex and abstract language, which makes the whole thing more complex than it really is. For example, if you can’t use the present simple tense correctly, then you’re hardly able to understand the rules that underpin that tense.

We don’t learn a language by learning the rules first and then applying them. Instead we learn by trying to communicate a message in that language. In doing that we learn the limitations and possibilities. But, it does help to get an insight into the structures at work because you can identify areas where you’re making mistakes, or particular tenses that you’re not using.

So listen carefully while I’m talking here and try to notice the different tenses. That’s your task. Notice the different tenses I use, as I’m using them. Like, oh that’s present perfect, or that’s a 1st conditional structure, or that’s the future perfect continuous passive there, I love that one. Etc.

Then I’ll go through it all and explain it at the end. You can read this on my website.

So, let’s start. Listen closely as I tell you a few things about myself. Notice the tenses, and I’ll explain them afterwards. Eventually, the plan is for you to perhaps practise this by talking about yourself in a similar way, using the tenses as I do. Then you’ll be speaking more like a native. Some of this is written down, and some of it is improvised.

OK, it’s grammar time!

Spot the Tenses

Hello. I’m Luke. I’m from London, but at the moment I’m living in Paris. I’ve been living here for just over a year. It’s great. I’m really enjoying it. You know that originally I’m from England. I was born in a town just outside London, and then I lived in West London for a long time. My Dad was promoted and got a job in the midlands, so we moved there, and stayed for many years. I went to university in Liverpool and lived there for 4 years, and then I moved back to Warwickshire. That’s when I decided to become an English teacher. I’d finished uni and I was working in a pub, not really going anywhere. As well as studying at university and college, I’d also been playing in lots of bands over the past few years, but it hadn’t really worked out, so I needed to think of something to do. I ended up deciding to become a TEFL teacher in 2001 and then I went to Japan and lived there for 2 years. That was an awesome time. had loads of really cool experiences and met loads of people, but I didn’t want to get stuck there, and I was keen to get back to my home country. I moved back to London and I worked there for a long time. It was while I was living in London that I came up with the idea to launch an amazing podcast for learners of English, that would save the world from the forces of evil. That’s when I created the now legendary Luke’s English Podcast, and a new cult of language learners was created. Who knows, maybe the LEPPERS will one day rise up and, just speak really fluently, and then give everyone free ice-cream sandwiches. It’s just a dream maybe, but who knows, it might just happen.

I moved to Paris in 2012. Living in Paris is pretty cool. It used to be quite difficult, because I couldn’t speak the language but I’m getting used to it now. When I first came here, I’d never visited Paris before, but my girlfriend had told me a lot about it, so I was kind of prepared. I’d also been to France quite a lot as a child on holiday. But when I first arrived it was quite hard because I didn’t speak much French. I took some French lessons at school when I was a kid but I don’t remember learning much. In fact most of the time those French lessons were a bit of a doss. So, when I first arrived I couldn’t really communicate, which was not very helpful. It was usually okay because I could get by, but I remember once I was walking down the street and this guy came up to me and started talking, but I couldn’t understand him, and he got angrier and angrier and started following me down the street. It was a bit scary and weird, and I wish I could have understood him and told him to piss off or whatever.

These days things are much easier, and Paris is an amazing place to live in. I’ve seen and done quite a lot of stuff here.

things I’ve done

– I’ve been up the Eiffel Tower. I’ve visited Notre Dame. I’ve been to Shakespeare and Company. I’ve tried lots of delicious French wine.

Things I’ve been doing

– I’ve been doing lots of comedy. I’ve been doing lots of gigs.

– I’ve been working at the university.

– I’ve been recording episodes of the podcast

-learning french

Today I’ve drunk a bit too much coffee so I’m pretty hyperactive. Normally I drink tea, but more recently I’ve been drinking coffee. I’ve had about 9,000 cups already today.

Work

– At the moment I’m working at the university

– I teach English, but I’m teaching at a university at the moment.

The future

– Hopefully it’ll last. Hopefully they’ll take me on again.

– I wonder what’s going to happen in the future.

going to / present continuous

– We’re going to visit New York next month

– I might do a special report from New York

– We’re going to stay in an AirBnB apartment that we’ve found

– We’re planning the trip at the moment.

– We’re flying there in the middle of April. It’s going to be good.

Will

– England will probably win.

– We probably won’t win. I imagine it will be someone like Spain or Brazil.

– It’s going to be a challenge.

– We probably won’t get to the final, but if we do it’ll be amazing.

5 years from now

– Who knows what I’ll be doing

– Hopefully I’ll still be recording episodes of LEP

– I might have had kids by then.

– I’ll probably have children. That’ll be…

– Hopefully, I will have done many more episodes of LEP and perhaps I will have expanded my work online in some way.

10 years from now

– If I’m still doing Luke’s English Podcast , I will have been doing LEP for 15 years.

– I will have been being listened to for 10 years (!!!)

The Tenses

Present simple
– I teach English, but I’m teaching at a university at the moment.

Present continuous
– I’m from London, but at the moment I’m living in Paris.
– At the moment I’m working at the university
– I teach English, but I’m teaching at a university at the moment.

Past simple
– (for) I lived in West London for a long time.
– (sequence of finished actions) My Dad was promoted and got a job in the midlands, so we moved there, and stayed for many years. I went to university in Liverpool and lived there for 4 years, and then I moved back to Warwickshire.

Past continuous
– I’d finished uni and I was working in a pub, not really going anywhere.
– It was while I was living in London that I came up with the idea to launch an amazing podcast for learners of English
– I was walking down the street and this guy came up to me and started talking, but I couldn’t understand him

Used to do vs. Get used to doing
– It used to be quite difficult, because I couldn’t speak the language but I’m getting used to it now.

Present perfect
– I’ve been up the Eiffel Tower. I’ve visited Notre Dame. I’ve been to Shakespeare and Company. I’ve tried lots of delicious French wine.
– Today I’ve drunk a bit too much coffee so I’m pretty hyperactive. Normally I drink tea, but more recently I’ve been drinking coffee. I’ve had about 9,000 cups already today.

Present perfect continuous
– I’ve been doing lots of comedy. I’ve been doing lots of gigs.
– I’ve been working at the university.
– I’ve been recording episodes of the podcast
– I’ve been living here for just over a year.

Past perfect
– That’s when I decided to become an English teacher. I’d finished uni and I was working in a pub, not really going anywhere.
– When I first came here, I’d never visited Paris before, but my girlfriend had told me a lot about it, so I was kind of prepared.

Past perfect continuous
As well as studying at university and college, I’d also been playing in lots of bands over the past few years, but it hadn’t really worked out, so I needed to think of something to do.

Modals to talk about the past
– I wish I could have understood him and told him to piss off or whatever

Going to / present continuous
– We’re going to visit New York next month
– I might do a special report from New York
– We’re going to stay in an AirBnB apartment that we’ve found
– We’re planning the trip at the moment.
– We’re flying there in the middle of April. It’s going to be good.

Future with will (not plans, but judgements, opinions, predictions)
– Who knows, maybe the LEPPERS will one day rise up.
– Hopefully it’ll last. Hopefully they’ll take me on again.
– England will probably win.
– We probably won’t win. I imagine it will be someone like Spain or Brazil.

1st Conditional
– We probably won’t get to the final, but if we do it’ll be amazing.

Future continuous
– Who knows what I’ll be doing
– Hopefully I’ll still be recording episodes of LEP

Future perfect
– Hopefully, I will have done many more episodes of LEP and perhaps I will have expanded my work online in some way.

Future perfect continuous (in a 1st Conditional structure, no less!)
– If I’m still doing Luke’s English Podcast , I will have been doing LEP for 15 years.

Future perfect continuous passive!
– I will have been being listened to for 10 years (!!!)

Modals for the future
– it might just happen.

173. The Curse of The Lambton Worm

Listen to a disturbing story from English folklore about a horrendous and mysterious worm.

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Introduction
The Lambton Worm is a legend from North East England in the UK. The story takes place around the River Wear, in the town of Lambton and at Penshaw Hill which is between Durham and Sunderland in the North East of England. It is one of the area’s most famous pieces of folklore, having been adapted from written and oral tradition into pantomime and song formats, which are still performed to this day. And I’m going to keep up that tradition here on Luke’s English Podcast by telling you my version of the story.

The tale is about a man called John Lambton, who was the heir to the Lambton Estate in County Durham, and his battle with a giant worm (dragon) that had been terrorising the local villages. As with most myths, details of the story change with each telling. I’m not from that part of England, but I love this story because I remember reading about it in a book of monsters that my brother used to have when we were kids. Remember before I told you about a ghost book that I used to own when I was a kid? Well, my brother had a similar book, from the same series, and it was all about monsters. I was fascinated by these books (Click this link to read some pages of those books!) So was my brother. I remember there was a picture of John Lambton fighting the worm, and a brief account of the story. It was fascinating, horrific and exciting for me as a kid, and the memory of the story has stayed with me. There’s just something about an old scary story that really excites me. I think this one must be a good one because it has endured for hundreds of years. It dates back to the time of the crusades, so about 1,000 years ago – medieval times. If a story survives that long, being told over and over again and being handed down through the generations, it must mean there must be something in it which interests people.

This is a local legend from country Durham and I expect it’s a strong part of their local culture. There’s an old folk song which tells the story, and it is still sung in old pubs by beer-drinking men with beards and acoustic guitars. I love those old folk songs. It’s proper traditional culture, as performed and told by real local people. I’m not from that part of the country, I’m from the midlands, and the south, but the story means something to me because of the connection I have with it from childhood. Also, I just think that you might like to hear it.

I’m going to tell you the story in my own way. It’s normal for folk tales like this to be changed by the storyteller, and there is no official version of the story – just a general outline. The details get adapted and improvised by each storyteller. So, I’m going to give you my version, which means that I will stick to the main elements of the story, but yes, as usual I will be improvising a lot of other details too. The challenge for me is to try and make it engaging, and entertaining and understandable for you. As well as practising your English, we can also consider what makes a good story. I think it’s about the passion of the storyteller, and the attention to certain details. Your challenge is to follow the story, and perhaps learn it well enough to be able to tell your friends, if you fancy that. Just remember to mention that the roots of this story are in the folklore of the county Durham area, in the North of England. It’s important to remember that this is a bit of local culture. If you’re from that area, and you’re  listening to this – I hope you don’t mind my version of the story, and realise that, really, I love this story too and I’m just adapting it a little bit for the purpose of letting people practise their English listening.

Illustration by John Dickson Batten from More English Fairy Tales.

The Main Elements of the Story
Note that I use past tenses to tell my story (past simple, past perfect & past continuous) but below the story is presented using present tenses.
John Lambton is the heir to the Lambton Estate – so he’s a young member of the gentry. A landowner from a fairly rich and well known family in the area.
He’s a rebellious character.
He skips church and he skips school.
He doesn’t care. He just loves fishing. He disrespects his parents.
He skips church one Sunday, and goes fishing.
He meets an old man – an old hermit, who tells him that no good will come of skipping church. He ignores the old man, and yet it puts him in a bit of a bad mood.
He catches nothing all morning.
Then, as the church bells are ringing for the end of service, he gets a bite on his line.
It’s a powerful bite and he has to wrestle hard to bring in the catch. The water crashes around and gets deeply churned up. He fights hard and brings in his catch.
It’s a truly disgusting and horrifying catch.
It’s a slimy and wriggly black worm. It’s dripping slime, it’s writhing and snapping, and it stinks.
He brings it to rest on the soil. It sits there breathing, completely malevolent. It has 9 holes down the side of its mouth, and John can’t really make sense of its other features. It’s really weird, and makes him feel sick.
He pukes, quite hard. What the hell is this thing?
He takes another look at it, and it opens its eye. It’s yellow and red, and it seems to look right into his soul.
This is a life-changing moment, although he doesn’t realise it.
At that moment, the old man reappears, and says with some certainty that he senses the work of the devil, and that Lambton is now responsible for this worm.
Lambton can’t throw it back, so he quickly puts it in his basket, to carry it home.
On the way back, the basket is so heavy and the worm keeps thrashing around inside it, and hissing. Even when it’s still, the basket seems impossible to carry. It’s so heavy, but also, he feels miserable. The good mood he was in at the beginning of the day has been replaced by a very grim feeling of depression. It’s like he’s suddenly aware of all the time he has wasted, and how everything seems quite hopeless, including his family  life.
He can’t take it any more, and feeling desperate, he chucks the worm into a nearby well. The worm struggles quite a lot, but down it goes. Lambton waits to hear the worm hit the bottom, and it does, after a pause, with a splash.
He quickly goes home.
Feeling guilty, and more aware of his responsibilities, he decides to join the army in order to fight in the crusades, as much out of guilt as duty to his family and the church.
He goes to Palestine to fight in the crusades. He’s away for 7 hard years in which he sees many things, makes many friends and sees many friends die in battle. He becomes a man.
Meanwhile, back at home, the worm is still alive in the well. The well becomes infected, and causes anyone who drinks from it to become violently ill, and die, with horrible symptoms.
The worm grows inside the well, and after it has reached a massive size, one moonlit night, it slides out from the well, and it’s massive. It wraps itself around the local Penshaw Hill – several times, and lies there waiting, warming itself in the morning sun. It’s a hideous and vicious creature. It has small legs, with claws on the end, which it uses to scrape and scratch the earth. It is incredibly long, and it slithers like a snake. It’s covered in smooth yet tough scales. Around its head it has a mane of rubbery spikes. The 9 holes that run along the side of its face, under its jaw, ooze a nasty black slime which burns the grass and sends an evil black smoke into the air. It coughs up the bones and remains of the bodies it has eaten, leaving this foul waste on the ground wherever it rests. Its eyes are yellow and deep, and malevolent. It has rows of razor sharp teeth like a shark’s except that they’re black and yellow, and his eyes, like that of a shark, roll back into its head when he takes a bite, leaving him looking white-eyed and blind during its moments of feeding frenzy.
It attacks a local farmer, squeezing him to death after he tries to fight it with his pitchfork. It then eats all his cattle, and his dead body, before returning to the hill.
It then terrorises the area, eating cattle and sheep, and wild animals.
The countryside becomes deathly silent, as it is all scared or killed by the worm. It’s a foul and sickening presence which seems to poison the earth wherever it goes.
Its confidence grows and it enters town.
The town mayor, as an attempt to distract it, empties all the milk supplies from the market into a trough in front of the town hall. The worm eats it all, and returns to the hill, where it sleeps.
The best men of the town get together a fighting force and arm themselves with the best weaponry they can find, and go to attack the worm, but it’s in vain as the worm is very strong and ruthless. Whenever anyone manages to slice the worm, the pieces, shuddering, just grow back together again. The worm seems indestructible.
For the next 7 years, the town gives the worm almost all of its supplies of milk in order to satisfy it. The worm grows bigger, and the town gets more and more exploited, until people are starving to death, and all life is sucked out of the place. When no milk is provided, the worm angrily attacks the residents, killing and eating men, women and children.
John Lambton returns from the crusades a scarred man, but a man nonetheless. He has learned how to fight, and he carries a sword and a suit of armour.
He sees the state of the town, and learns about the worm from his father.
He realises it is the same worm that he discarded all those years ago, and immediately realises that he is responsible for the curse and must fight the worm himself.
He visits a local wise woman for advice. She tells him that the worm has cursed him, his family and the town, and that only he can kill it.
She tells him to visit the blacksmith, and to have spikes and blades fitted to his armour, and that he must  lure the worm into the river Wear before doing battle.
She also tells him that to lift the curse, after killing the worm, he must kill the next living thing that he sees.
Lambton gets his special suit of armour made, and arranges with his father that when he has killed the worm, he will blow a note on his hunting horn as a signal that he has won and that the father must release Lambton’s favourite hunting hound. The hound will run straight  to him and Lambton will kill it, lifting the curse.
He heads towards the hill and finds the worm.
The worm recognises him and uncoils itself from the hill, hissing, puking black bile and generally being hideous.
Lambton realises how difficult this will be because this worm is really big and strong looking. The worm approaches and he backs away.
He walks backwards towards the river, the worm steadily moving nearer and nearer, flanking him. Lambton gets very tired just walking in the armour – which is extra-heavy because of the fittings.
Eventually, he enters the water, which is cold.
The worm slides down the bank and raises itself up to strike.
They fight and whenever the worm attempts to coil itself around Lambton, it gets sliced up on the blades and spikes.
Lambton is so tired that all he can do is just try not to be washed away by the current. He hacks at the worm and struggles to breath. The fumes from the worm are poisonous. Each time parts of the worm are hacked off, they are washed away, and eventually, just a section of the worm is left and Lambton hacks off its head. The pieces can’t join back together and the worm is no more.
Lambton blows a note on his horn, but his father is so happy to hear it that he forgets to release the hound and instead he runs to see John. Lambton sees him , and is dismayed. he can’t bring himself to kill his father, and so the go back to the house and he kills his hound.
The wise woman appears and tells him that despite killing the worm, he failed to lift the curse and that for 9 generations, the Lambtons will not die in their beds.
injured and sick, Lambton collapses.
That’s the end of the story.

What does this all mean? You tell me.

This curse seems to have held true for at least three generations, possibly helping to contribute to the popularity of the story.
1st generation: Robert Lambton, drowned at Newrig.
2nd: Sir William Lambton, a Colonel of Foot, killed at Marston Moor.
3rd: William Lambton, died in battle at Wakefield.
9th: Henry Lambton, died in his carriage crossing Lambton Bridge on 26 June 1761.
(General Lambton, Henry Lambton’s brother, is said to have kept a horse whip by his bedside to ward off violent assaults. He died in his bed at an old age.)

The Old Folk Song
Here is Tony Wilson singing the folk song in the local dialect

Song Lyrics
Here are the lyrics with some meanings added too. Remember, this is sung in an old dialect. Not many people actually speak in this dialect any more, although there is a distinct accent from that region.

One Sunda morn young Lambton went
A-fishing in the Wear;
An’ catched a fish upon he’s heuk	(=caught) (=his hook)
He thowt leuk’t vary queer.	(=thought looked very strange)
But whatt’n a kind ov fish it was	(=what kind of)
Young Lambton cudden’t tell-
He waddn’t fash te carry’d hyem,	(=could not be bothered to carry it home)
So he hoyed it doon a well	(=threw it down)
Chorus
Whisht! lads, haad yor gobs,	(=Be quiet, boys, shut your mouths)
An’ aa’ll tell ye aall an aaful story,	(=I’ll tell you all an awful)
Whisht! lads, haad yor gobs,
An’ Aa’ll tel ye ‘boot the worm.	(=about)
Noo Lambton felt inclined te gan	(=go)
An’ fight i’ foreign wars.
He joined a troop ov Knights that cared
For nowther woonds nor scars,	(=neither wounds)
An’ off he went te Palestine
Where queer things him befel,
An varry seun forgat aboot	(=very soon forgot about)
The queer worm i’ tha well.
But the worm got fat an’ grewed an’ grewed,
An’ grewed an aaful size;
He’d greet big teeth, a greet big gob,
An greet big goggly eyes.
An’ when at neets he craaled aboot	(=nights) (=crawled around)
Te pick up bits o’ news,
If he felt dry upon the road,
He’d milk a dozen coos.	(=cows)
This feorful worm would often feed	(=fearful)
On caalves an’ lambs an’ sheep,
An’ swally little bairns alive	(=swallow) (=children)
When they laid doon te sleep.
An when he’d eaten aall he cud	(=all he could)
An’ he had had he’s fill,
He craaled away an’ lapped he’s tail	(=wrapped)
Ten times roond Pensha Hill.
The news ov this myest aaful worm	(=most)
An’ his queer gannins on	(=goings-on)
Seun crossed the seas, gat te the ears	(=soon) (=got to)
Ov brave an’ bowld Sor John.
So hyem he cam an’ catched the beast,	(=home he came and caught)
An’ cut ‘im in twe haalves,	(=cut him in two-halves)
An’ that seun stopped hes eatin’ bairns
An’ sheep an’ lambs an’ caalves.
So noo ye knaa hoo aall the foaks	(=now you know how all the folk)
On byeth sides ov the Wear	(=both)
Lost lots o’ sheep an’ lots o’ sleep
An leeved i’ mortal feor.	(=And lived in mortal fear)
So let’s hev one te brave Sor John	(=let’s drink to brave Sir John)
That kept the bairns frae harm,	(=from)
Saved coos an’ calves by myekin’ haalves	(=making halves)
O’ the famis Lambton Worm.	(=famous)

47. Travelling in Vietnam

Right-click here to download this episode.
An interview with me about my holiday in Vietnam.

I recently bought an English speaking robot from Japan. His name is English Robot 3000, and he’s very nice. In this podcast, English Robot 3000 asks me questions about my holiday in Vietnam and I talk about what I did, where I went and how it felt.

The next podcast will contain lots of really useful language for meeting people when you are travelling.

Hope you enjoy the episode, and happy new year!

Here is a photo of English Robot 3000. There are photos of my Vietnam holiday on my Facebook profile.

English Robot 3000

29. Mystery Story / Narrative Tenses

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This podcast is about narrative tenses (past simple, past continuous & past perfect – see details below). We use these tenses to sequence stories about the past. To master the use of these tenses you have to deal with their form, their use and thier pronunciation – both for listening and speaking. Use this podcast to help you deal with all of those things, and then start using narrative tenses fluently whenever you describe something. Make your descriptions more detailed and colourful!

Below you can read the mystery story from the podcast, and then grammar details and a tense review exercise. 

Listen to the story, and notice the different verb forms being used. If you like you can try and remember the story and repeat it to yourself until you’re using all the tenses correctly. You can then transfer what you’ve learned and remembered from the story when you talk about something else.

Subscribe to Luke’s English Podcast to improve your English every day, and have fun in the process!

The mystery story:
Last night I was walking home next to the river thames, when something strange happened to me. It was late at night and I’d had a long and difficult day at work. There was a large full moon in the sky and everything was quiet. I was tired and lonely and I’d just had a few pints of beer in my local pub, so I decided to stop by the riverside and look at the moon for a while. I sat on some steps very close to the water’s edge and looked up at the big yellow moon and wondered if it really was made of cheese. I felt very tired so I closed my eyes and after a few minutes, I fell asleep.

When I woke up, the moon had moved behind a cloud and it was very dark and cold. The wind was blowing and an owl hooted in a tree above me. I rubbed my eyes and started to get up, when suddenly I heard a splash. I looked down at the water and saw something. Something terrible and frightening, and unlike anything I’d ever seen before. Something was coming out of the water and moving towards me. Something green and strange and ugly. It was a long green arm and it was stretching out from the water to grab my leg. I was so scared that I couldn’t move. I’d never been so scared in my whole life. The cold green hand was moving closer and closer when suddenly there was a blue flash and a strange noise from behind me. Someone jumped onto the stairs next to me. He was wearing strange clothes and he had a crazy look in his eyes. He shouted “Get Back!” and pointed something at the monster in the water. There was a bright flash and the monster hissed and disappeared.

I looked up at the man. He looked strange, but kind. “Don’t fall asleep by the river when there’s a full moon”, he said “The Moon Goblins will get you.” I’d never heard of moon goblins before. I didn’t know what to do. “Who… who are you?” I asked him. “You can call me… The Doctor.” He said. I was trying to think of something else to say when he turned around and said, “Watch the stars at night, and be careful of the full moon”. I was trying to understand what he meant, when there was another blue flash and I closed my eyes. When I opened them again, he had gone.

I couldn’t believe what had happened. What on earth were Moon Goblins, and who was the mysterious Doctor? And why had he saved me? I was determined to find the answers to these strange questions. I stood up, looked at the moon and quickly walked home.

Narrative Tenses
Past simple tense
Form: the simple past form of the verb. E.g. “We met on holiday, we talked about art and music, we fell in love, I asked her to marry me and when she said yes I kissed her passionately on the lips.”
Use: To explain the main events of the story in sequence. We use ‘then’, ‘after that’, ‘first’ and ‘finally’ to link them up. E.g. “First I finished work, then I went to the pub, after that I had a few pints, then I sat down by the river and then I fell asleep, after that the moon moved, and then I woke up and then an owl hooted and after that I heard a splash and then a monster tried to grab my leg and after that the Doctor rescued me and then he disappeared, and finally I went home.
We can also use conjunctions to link up clauses with past simple verb forms. ‘When’ is probably the most common. E.g. “When I woke up, and owl hooted.” Or “An owl hooted when I woke up”.

Past continuous
Form: was/were + -ing E.g. “We were talking about my Swiss bank account when suddenly she pulled me close and kissed me again.”
Use: To describe longer or repeated actions. It’s often used to describe the general situation at the beginning of a story. E.g. “I was walking home when something strange happened.”
Also, we use it to sequence events when it is combined with the past simple. Past continuous is the long or repeated action which is interrupted by a short, quick past simple action. E.g. “The green hand was moving towards me when suddenly there was a blue flash and a man jumped onto the stairs next to me”.
We use ‘when’ or ‘while’ to link the actions in a sentence. E.g. “When I woke up, the wind was blowing. The wind was blowing when I woke up. While I was walking, something happened. Something happened while I was walking.”

Past Perfect
Form: had + past participle E.g. “When I arrived at the airport I realised that she had stolen my wallet and passport”.
Use: To express that an action happened before the main events of the story. E.g. “When I woke up, the moon had moved” [the moon moved, then I woke up], which is different to “The moon moved when I woke up” [I woke up, then the moon moved].
Sometimes it is used a bit like present perfect, but when everything is in the past. E.g. “I’ve never heard of moon goblins before” But for yesterday it would be “I had never heard of moon goblins.”

Pronunciation drills:

1. Andrew had done the test before, so he found it very easy.

2. I didn’t laugh at the joke because I had heard it before.

3. We left the restaurant when we had finished dinner.

4. When I found my wallet, I discovered that somebody had taken all the money from it.

Practice:
Here’s the transcript to the mystery story, but with some of the verbs ‘gapped’. Try to put them in the correct tense. Listen again to check.
The mystery story:
Last night I _________________ (walk) home next to the river thames, when something strange _________________ (happen) to me. It was late at night and I _________________ (have) a long and difficult day at work. There was a large full moon in the sky and everything was quiet. I was tired and lonely and I _________________ (just have) a few pints of beer in my local pub, so I decided to stop by the riverside and look at the moon for a while.

I _________________ (sit) on some steps very close to the water’s edge and looked up at the big yellow moon and wondered if it really was made of cheese. I felt very tired so I _________________ (close) my eyes and after a few minutes, I _________________ (fall) asleep. When I woke up, the moon _________________ (move) behind a cloud and it was very dark and cold. The wind _________________ (blow) and an owl _________________ (hoot) in a tree above me. I rubbed my eyes and started to get up, when suddenly I _________________ (hear) a splash. I _________________ (look) down at the water and saw something. Something terrible and frightening, and unlike anything I’d ever seen before. Something _________________ (come) out of the water and _________________ (move) towards me. Something green and strange and ugly. It was a long green arm and it _________________ (stretch) out from the water to grab my leg. I was so scared that I couldn’t move. I _________________ (never be) so scared in my whole life. The cold green hand _________________ (move) closer and closer when suddenly there was a blue flash and a strange noise from behind me. Someone _________________ (jump) onto the stairs next to me. He _________________ (wear) strange clothes and he had a crazy look in his eyes. He shouted “Get Back!” and _________________ (point) something at the monster in the water. There was a bright flash and the monster hissed and disappeared.

I looked up at the man. He looked strange, but kind. “Don’t fall asleep by the river when there’s a full moon”, he said “The Moon Goblins will get you.” I _________________ (never hear) of moon goblins before. I didn’t know what to do. “Who… who are you?” I asked him. “You can call me… The Doctor.” He said. I _________________ (try) to think of something else to say when he turned around and said, “Watch the stars at night, and be careful of the full moon”. I was trying to understand what he meant, when there was another blue flash and I closed my eyes. When I opened them again, he _________________ (go).

I couldn’t believe what _________________(happen). What on earth were Moon Goblins, and who was the mysterious Doctor? And why had he saved me? I was determined to find the answers to these strange questions. I stood up, looked at the moon and quickly walked home.

Would you like to know what happens next in the story? Click here to listen to the next episode, Episode 30 “The Mystery Continues…”

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO ANOTHER EPISODE ABOUT VERB TENSES